Friends can be very hard to find. And no, not the friends that are in your life for fleeting moments, but the friends that would be your alibi to murder, the friends that would be your fake girlfriend (or boyfriend) to get rid of a creepy guy or a friend that will drink with you when you’ve had a bad day, even if it means they will be hungover at work the next day.
These types of friends, they are hard to come by and I think many people often mistake the fleeting friends for the friends of a lifetime. Knowing who your tribe is can be huge in both your professional and personal life. These are the people who support you no matter what, take on your goals as their own and you vice versa.
One thing that I may not have shared with you guys is this:I am very closed off. I have a wall around me that very few people have access to. You see, I’ve had many friends in my life that turned out to be less than friends, and with each lost friend, I have slowly built a wall in defense.
And yes, I know, it doesn’t take a therapist in order for me to know this is unhealthy. But what can I say? Some things are hard to change…
For this reason, I am very very picky about who I let in. And I don’t mean that I don’t talk to people and interact with others I don’t know. Because I can be friendly, but the stuff that is important? My fears? My goals? My struggles? These things are reserved for the women in my tribe. The women I can trust because they have been there at my worst, and at my best.
So how do you know when you have found your tribe? Is there a test? I know you are all hoping it is multiple choice, right?
Just kidding… kind’ve.
There is a test, but it’s not a test you give out, a test you proctor or score, it is a test given by one fickle bitch called “life”.
Yup, we all know her. Life will throw at you the best times of your life but also the worst times of your life. And the friends of a lifetime? They will be there in every situation life throws at you. Without fail.
And just in case you guys want some more clarification, I will tell you the characteristics of the amazing friends in my tribe. But please don’t think for a second that your tribe will have the same characteristics, because we are different people. We get along with different personalities and our tribes will be different. That is what makes them so incredible. Trust me.
How to Know When You Have Found Your Tribe
#1: They take your goals on as your own
These are the friends that tell you good luck before a job interview and ask how it went that same day. The friends that know exactly where you want to go in your life both personally and professionally. They know the exact characteristics you want of your future husband, just so they can keep an eye out for him.
These friends may know when you are doubting yourself and they’ll be the ones there to pick you up and put you back on the right path. A friend is not a friend if they are rooting against you. You will know when you have found your tribe when the people in your tribe are cheering you on every step of the way.
#2: They keep coming back even when you’ve been at your worst
Let me be clear, I am not always the easiest person to get along with. I can get annoyed easily, especially when I am hungry or tried, I often have a hard time being around a bunch of people at once and as my family says- I have a serious bite and my tribe needs to be filled with people who can withstand my wrath.
I promise you I am not mean without reason. Just don’t give me a reason… 🙂
The people in my tribe? They are the people that I have given the cold shoulder to because I wanted to wallow in self pity by myself. Yet, these amazing people were there when I came to my senses. They understood that life happens and can knock you down, yet that didn’t stop them or scare them away. That simply made my trust stronger.
Your tribe will be filled with people who don’t care what you say, what you do or show.
Put please- do not use this as a reason to abuse the amazing blessing having these incredible people in your life is.
#3:The size of your tribe won’t matter.
When you have friends that are friends of a lifetime, it won’t matter how many of them you have. One, two, three or 50, it won’t matter because you will always feel supported.
You know the saying, quality over quantity? Yup, you know exactly what I am talking about.
You can have 100 friends, but if none of them will show up and help nurse you back to health after a car accident, then do you even have true friends?
#4: Your tribe can be your family too
Yes, I know. Some of you are rolling your eyes or praying that I am not saying that your tribe must include your family. I’m not.
Everyone has different family dynamics, but I can tell you, that some of us (me), have a tribe that includes their family. My family is incredible and they would be there no matter what I throw at them. Trust me, they have definitely seen me at my worst (don’t forget they are the ones that told me about my wrath..).
However, I understand that not everyone has that kind’ve relationship with their family, and that is perfectly OK.
#5: Your tribe members may not know your other tribe members…and that’s OK.
You see, outside of my family, I have three incredible friends that I consider to be my tribe. And the way they came into my life are all very different and I can tell you, that one of them doesn’t know the other two and vice versa. And that’s OK. They are very different but ultimately, I know that they would all be there in a heart beat if I needed them to be.
What does it mean to be a friend?
Yes, I just asked that question. We may be talking about what you would look for in your closest friend, but why would anyone want to be friends with you if you can’t be a friend back?
I think friends are one of the most under appreciated people in our life. For all that they do for us, do we tell them we are grateful for them enough? Do we remember to check on them and take their goals as our own? Don’t forget to be a friend back. Don’t forget to check in every once in a while or ask them how they are doing when you think they might be down.
Having amazing friends is a privilege, DON’T ABUSE IT! Always be grateful for your amazing friends and remember to be an amazing friend back.
Conclusion
I have been very blessed to have been introduced to many people in my life. And at the ripe young age of 21 (almost 22) to have found many amazing women to be in my tribe and to be on my team, is incredible. And I am grateful for everyday I get to talk to them, rant to them, tell them what went wrong and what went right and to talk to them about their life too. To be their supporter and cheerleader.
This post is for them- the peanut butter and bread to our amazing PB and J trio. To my best friend since 6th grade, although we weren’t really friends until High School. To my family for always being able to laugh with me… or at me depending on the situation. To the amazing people I have met through horses who I know want me to succeed just as much as I want them to succeed.
You see, these people are the people I am grateful for everyday. Even if I haven’t seen them in weeks, I would be there in a heartbeat to help and I know they would do the same, and that is ultimately something to be grateful for.
Your tribe may be ever changing, it may still be growing or in the process of developing, that’s OK. The best things in life take time and I can guaranteed you will at some point be hurt by someone you thought was your friend. That’s OK, get back up and keep looking, your people are out there and I can assure you, building a wall is not any easier than the search ahead of you.
